Mainly when I get to far away from my home.It is like my safe zone. I can go maybe 5 houses down the street and that it. And Its impossible in a car..I have to walk it. I just start feeling like a cant breath deep enough..then I start panicking. They I start to hyperventilate. And It just feels like it take hours to get back home when It really only take a minute or less. I have been trying to go to my shrink. Its almost impossible for me to keep app. because I have to cancel because I cant leave. I try I really do ..but it seems like its the hardest thing to do. This all started about 5 years ago. This first 3 years I didnt leave my house at all. That was extremely hard. Now I leave maybe once a month. And I have to drink to do that. Or I couldnt even be driven out of the driveway. My shrink prescribed me klonopin the first time I saw her(9 months ago) It took me around 6 months before I would take it. I am very scared of taking pills. Im afraid they will cause me to get worse. Or to go crazy. Its all very scary for me. I took them for about a month and they were really starting to help some. I actually got to the point where I could drive MYSELF around the block where I live in a car. But I couldnt leave yet , not anywhere where I couldnt be home in 2 minutes. So I had to quit taking them so I could drink to go to the doctor(crazy I know).
I havent taken them regularly since then. I DONT drink on them. I wonder why its so easy to leave once youve had about 4 beers? I hate drinking and Its killing me. I have to stop.
I went to the doctor thursday and I was telling her how I was feeling( ALLOT WORSE) Like I couldnt even recognize myself anymore. I would look into the mirror at myself and it made me feel like I had amnesia , but I knew everything about my self. It was weird. Like I was actually going crazy! She said my anxiety was getting so bad that It was starting to cause Psychosis. The way I was feeling I could NOT deal with. And ive dealt with a lot of crap. On my own.
In the nine months I have been going to her see has prescribed, prozac,paxil,zoloft which I havent even taken because I am so afraid to even try. But since I told her about how I was feeling last time she prescribed Abilify which scares me even more because its is for bi polar and schizophrenia.
My father, brother, and sister are all bipolar and I have an uncle who is sckitzo. My doctor and counselor both said that I am not schizophrenic and I agree. My counselor and shrink both think that if I am bi polar its very mild and my problems are all very bad anxiety. I also have depression and BAD OCD ..but I can live with that. I cant sit at home and be a drunk to leave. Im scared of pills and the only one ill take is klonopin, but I cant take it long enough before I have another appointment. I dont think abilify is right for me because I have been feeling a little better since I saw her. I think I just sometimes go a little crazy from never going anywhere. That was the first time I had been out in 2 months. I am married ..and my mother lives down the street .. these are basically the only people I ever get to see. I have lost all my friends due to the fact that I cant leave and interact with them.
Im lost. Im only 23.
Would any of the drugs she prescribed b4 work? Should I take them? How do I get over the fear of taking them? I am only prescribed 0.5 klonopin a day if needed. Is that even enough to help me if I were able to take it everyday?
Please help me.
Thanks.Severe hyperventilation anxiety when i leave my house..agoraphobia?
Anxiety
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